It is difficult to be a woman. It is very difficult! How could we men know these difficulties? No matter how much we observe women, share their experiences or be a part of the difficulties they have, we will never understand what “difficult” means since we do not experience what goes on in the background.
Then why did I choose this title?
When I talk to my women students who have just graduated from university and who consult me about their career plans, I try to read between the lines and understand their anxieties and concerns. Something that they cannot put into words or make sense of, or rather something that they cannot name wrecks their “career plans“!
Their problem goes far beyond “joining a profession”. The feeling of and the passion for holding on to life proudly and uncompromisingly are a preference that cannot be compared to joining a profession.
In my opinion, women cannot avoid having three careers in a career bundle.
The first one is the success that they will have in their chosen field. They may have this success in the challenging hierarchical divisions of professional life, in the business areas where they will test their entrepreneurial spirit, or in the areas such as culture, art or non-governmental organisations depending on their personal preferences.
Their second career is hidden in a sacred duty: being the mother of children to be born one day.
We know more or less about these two. We experience them. We observe them. We share our experiences.
However, if you ask me, women’s third career is as difficult as the other two. It may even be more difficult! I think women’s third career is “managing the success of men in their lives without being noticed”. These men can be their husbands, boyfriends or partners.
I feel like there is a secret force behind some men’s careers. It becomes effective when the most critical decisions are made. It doesn’t come in the form of detailed meetings, statements of opinion or written notes! Sometimes it is a facial expression, sometimes an interesting question, sometimes a short but striking sentence, or maybe a plan B which have not been considered until that time. The most surprising form of it is ignoring something that men share with much excitement or turning their backs on men etc.
No matter which of the above is used, they should be seen as a code of behaviour through which women design men’s success.
But why?
Because women like successful men, and they do not like success to depend on coincidence!
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